5 Songs I Wish Were On Spotify

It's my deeply held hope that some day every song I like or could ever think of will be available on Spotify. I've subscribed to Spotify Premium for 3½ years, and in the event that the ship goes down, I intend to go down with it. Yesterday I went idly looking, and lo and behold, a song I love finally made its way on there:

I realize there is a preponderance of funk on this list. Not that there's anything wrong with that; we could all certainly use a little (or a lot) more down 'n' dirty funk in our lives. Maybe that's just where my headspace is at right now. But these are just personal wishes, not necessarily endorsements. (Although, incidentally, yes, I do endorse every one of these songs with great gusto.)

Connie Price & the Keystones, "The Buzzard"

It's amazing how far that Quincy Jones "Streetbeater" "fwah fwah" sound will carry you. Just one of those every few seconds, and you'll drift along like you're riding the lazy funk river. Really helps you ease into it when that trumpet starts gettin' super-widdly in the back half.

The Whatnauts, "Help Is On the Way"

See, this is why I can't appreciate what passes for Christian rock. Why shovel that thin gruel with a smile when you've got a beat this rock-solid, silky-smooth vocals, and a bass line so deep in the pocket it's breathing lint? I could listen to this ten times a day, which just isn't as easy when I've got to be tethered to YouTube to do it. I need it on my Spotify!

Liquid Soul, "Threadin' the Needle"

It's hard enough to find this particular Liquid Soul on Spotify; most of the search results are gunked up with nondescript New Age instrumentals. You have to actually know what you're looking for to find this, and even then, my favorite album of theirs, 2002's Make Some Noise, isn't on there. As long as I care to look, you could at least make it worth my while, Spotify.

Let's be real for a moment: if that saxophone squeal at 2:04 doesn't leave your jaw hanging off your dong, because your jaw fell off at the same time that you got a massive erection, then I don't even know what we're doing here. Mars Williams for president of music.

J. Geils Band, "Must of Got Lost"[1]

Let's just get it out of the way up front: I practically have a grand mal seizure every time I say or type the title of this song. How simple grammatical errors and typos slip through all the cracks from conception to publication is a feat of institutional oversight I'll never understand. But I'm not going to harp on it, it is what it is, and there's nothing to be done about it almost 40 years after the fact.

What makes this one extra-baffling is that Nightmares...and Other Tales from the Vinyl Jungle is available on Spotify—but when you click on the track on the album page, you still get the 2:58 single edit! In fact, as I search the usual channels—even Amazon MP3, where I once bought the track—it seems the 5:05 album version has been all but scrubbed from existence.

I can see why a single edit might have been thought necessary—that second verse is a bit of a hot mess, and five minutes is longer than most singles yet also nowhere near "deejay bathroom break" territory—but to deny the world that coda from 3:29 on is just about a war crime. The Blow Your Face Out live version provides a decent fix sometimes, but I'm rarely in the mood to hear Peter Wolf talk about Rapunzel and "Woofa Goofa" for two minutes.

Leahy, "B Minor"

My wife introduced me to Leahy when we were still dating; she saw them in concert at her school (the University of Central Arkansas) and passed a recommendation along to me, thinking I would like them. And thus began a long tradition of getting into things I never would have found on my own without her.

This video is better quality than the one I was initially going to go with, though I'm not sure why the guy who posted it felt the need to pepper the image montage with a "just because it doesn't have lyrics like your precious pop rock doesn't mean it's 'weird'" diatribe. Another reason this song should be on Spotify, because then I could listen to it without the condescending lecture. (The album in the thumbnail is on Spotify, but "B Minor" isn't on it. Very misleading and disappointing.)

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[1] You'll have to be patient with the video, it's kind of hinky. It hangs up at the 0:09 mark, but if you set the dial past that and wait a bit (like, go make a sandwich or something), it'll kick in and go to the end without incident.